Getting to know your kids (part 1)

Before I began this blog I decided to google, "getting to know your..." I found some pretty interesting hits, including, "getting to know your: students, lawn, computer," and actually one entitled, "getting to know your opticlik pen." Needless to say, there is a lot of stuff out there that we can access that will help us get to know our belongings, and everything else, a lot better.

I decided to title the blog, "Getting to know your kids," because I have long been intrigued by how children develop such unique skills, personalities, etc. In addition, I have a growing curiosity how soon these strengths and traits start to develop and how much or how little they tarry into adulthood.

The point of this blog is to reflect on how important it is to understand our children's tendencies before we have all of our parenting strategies set in stone. I have doubted for some time that every child should be raised the same way, with the same guidelines, boundaries, strategies, and expectations. Humanity contains extroverts vs. introverts; analyticals vs. globalized learners; technical minds vs. artistic minds; etc. I think that for many years we have been stuck in a one-track direction regarding the way that people (kids included) need to be directed and taught. We now live in a society where we can't simply give information and expect people to learn it. Rather, we have to be creative with the information, imaginative with our presentation of details, and adaptable to teach knowledge through multiple styles of learning. I know this seems like a forbidding task for educators and parents as we teach and raise our children in the way that best fits their learning style and personality. But, it is tenable that the more we invest in relationships with children and study their traits, the more efficient our translation of knowledge will be to them.

Let me give a personal reference regarding what I am alluding to with this concept:

I am a fairly analytical person who likes to function within a fairly elementary, systematic construct. I like for the rules and expectations to be laid out pretty obviously, and from there I can develop and grow. When I am micro-managed, checked on, inundated with rules, I tend to get too overwhelmed to progress. As I work with a simple, sensible set of guidelines, I begin to establish my own rules of engaging my knowledge and strengths. I begin to think introspectively about how I can add to the job based on being given the freedom to do so. If I am told exactly what to do with little basis for the expectation I become wearily unproductive. I will do my job of course, but it will be done within the limits of the rules. I think to some extent we all can feel this way from time to time regarding micromanagement. I think the way I learn and perform on the job is not exactly like everyone else. I believe there are many people who function most effectively and efficiently in a detailed system that offers a high set of expectations that they can work hard to achieve. There may be a large number of people who fit somewhere in between these sometimes conflicting learning/work environments.

As we consider what learning style we are or what ideology of management we prefer to work within, there must be a recognition that we are indeed unique. Let us then move to the idea of how to raise kids with a burgeoning knowledge of their uniqueness (since we have now hopefully accepted that we all work better under varying conditions). I believe that as we study our children, we gather insight into how they like to learn and grow. We can do the most good for our children as we raise them and teach them based upon their individual strengths.

Our children start to evoke personality from the womb. If you ask parents to reflect on what their child was like in the womb compared to how they are several years later, many parents will be able to have connected their child's current traits to the way they acted very early in life. There are numerous studies which defend the connection of neurological pathways and the retainment of information and experience back to the first DNA replication within a child. If personality traits and unique responses are developing this early in life, would we not do our best as parents to begin getting to know our kids even before they enter school and start manifesting difficulties with particular subjects, socializations, or physical detriments? Now I am not trying to be too scientific here. I believe in the notion of choosing a road when we have two or more to go down, but also believe that we are created with a propagating personality that dictates much of who we are.

With this in mind, I contend that as our children are growing and are experiencing life with us as parents, we have an obligation to get to know how they like to learn, to invest time into asking them more questions rather than laying claim to their personality, and to give at least a little rope for them to deviate away from where we had expected them to go. The parent that has developed systems of child-rearing that create a foundation from which to guide and direct, while maintaining a flexibility that allows for creativity and ingenuity, has done much to provide a meaningful and purposeful environment from which their child can flourish.

Part 2 of this blog will express practical ways to get to know your child's personality and how we can work with them in their development.